6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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