Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Success! We fucked roommates!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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