i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
