I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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