This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
