What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
