grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sarcasm needs its own font
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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