saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
