Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
