Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
