He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
