you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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