You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
