I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I could fuck to npr.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
