Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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