Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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