He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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