Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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