the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
