3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
