Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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