That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
