apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
