sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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