what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
