I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize