his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
