Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
