He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
