Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
