are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
