He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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