I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
