why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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