i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
