i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
