All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
