allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
