Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
