You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
