Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
