So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
