Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
