One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
