I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
