dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize