This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm at about main and main street
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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