The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
