I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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