Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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