Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
