You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
