I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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