Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize