i think my tv is drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
