He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
