the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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