He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
