Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
