I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
