do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
