For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
