pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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