Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize