I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
