i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
