Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
