By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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