How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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