I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
