watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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