Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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