Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Less talking, more tequila
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
