Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
