I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize