I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
