his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
