i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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