Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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