What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
