the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
