Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
