I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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