speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
