Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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