Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
