I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
