she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
