I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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