Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
