So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
