Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize