The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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