I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
