Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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