I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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