Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
