I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
