My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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