How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
