At least make sure they are 18
Why
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
