I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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