How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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