If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
