Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
