does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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