I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
