I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize