things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
