Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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