one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think my moral compass just broke
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize